The Back Country

Hi all,

I guess the title should actually be "Back From the Country."

The Queen and I recently travelled to Music City for a chance to visit with our friends Dan and Sandy McG.as well as to accomplish one of my cancer goals, to make it to the annual mini-reunion of the West Point Class of 1966.  For those possibly not "in the know," Music City is sometimes known as Nashville.

First good deal of the trip was that we got to try out my new Acura TL on the highways of America.  It got 30 miles to the gallon and accelerates like crazy compared to the Honda Accords that I have been driving for the last ten years.  A very comfortable, quiet ride with all sorts of extra technology such as hands free devices and XM Satellite Radio, a trip computer, tire pressure indicators and a whole lot more.  It was my birthday present.

Second good deal was to stay in Castle McG (last name omitted in honor of the Anderson Zoo who always reminds us about Personal Security).  Theirs is a truly beautiful home of over 9000 square feet, four garages, two full kitchens, a theater, a wine cellar, an elevator and rooms/baths to house the better part of an Army battalion.  Staying with them was like visiting with the real Queen in Windsor Castle.

Next treat was to reach my goal of hanging with my classmates around some great food and music as well as on the golf course.  My two best friends from West Point, Jim D. and Mike F., made it to this reunion, both saying that they wanted to see how I was doing. Mike brought his wife, Mary, shown with the Queen below, while Jim's wife, Jeanette, an ordained minister, had other obligations and couldn't join us.  Jim is the CEO of Action Ministries while Mike is the retired CEO of Sprint Local.

Golf with Dan was at the very exclusive Governor's Club, while Reunion golf was on a Tom Fazio course as well as a  Jack Nicklaus signature course.  All three places were what we golfers call "superb tracks."  My golf game was less so, but I can still hit the ball, something that was in serious doubt before my neck surgery.

My classmates who set this reunion up did a wonderful job, renting the entire Country Music Hall of Fame for a catered dinner, getting a top Nashville song writer and background player for our entertainment and even a private concert by Vince Gill.  We didn't pay all the freight for a lot of this, and the generosity of our local classmates underwrote much of the golf and entertainment expenses.  These guys are Great Americans!

Sorry I've been absent for a while, but thought you might like to know where I've been.

High ground indeed!  Thanks for your prayers and support.

One Year Closer To The Grave, Think Of All The Food We'll Save!

(I'll leave it up to you to explain to your dear readers about this title.)

Dear Daddy,

Hey there big guy! There are so many things I love about you, that I could start my own little blog about it called:

"My Dad Is Above Average In More Than Five Billion Ways".

You and I would enjoy that, but other people might tire of me telling you how truly fabulous you are day in and day out. So instead of doing that, I'm hacking into your blog to tell you just a few things I love about you, with supporting photographic evidence. (If you read this every day, it will be like I'd done that blog thing I mentioned above.)


Aren't you ADORABLE in this little jumpsuit snuggled up next to your mom?! What a good boy you were for staying right by her for the picture and letting her protect you from falling with her arm. You have protected me my entire life in various ways, and for that, I love you.

Hey there Lady Killer! Even though you look super serious in this picture, I am imagining that your hand we can't see is pinching this nice girl in the tush to get her to smile. (You would NEVER . . . ) My point is, I just love your wacky sense of humor! I love how we'll all hang on the edge of our seats to hear you deliver the punch line of a joke - even when it's no good - because you're so good at it. You make me laugh and sometimes that is just what I need.

I see in this young (handsome!) cadet, the face of a man who is dedicated to serving his country and fellowmen and who isn't afraid to work hard to reach a goal. You have given me a great pride in our country, our Armed Forces and the military heritage that is a part of our family as well as taught me the value of work and I love you for that, too.
I love the smile you wear in this picture. It makes me think of your friendly, outgoing nature. This is the look I love to see on your face. This is the smile you have when we talk with one another and share stories and it makes me feel so loved because I know you are listening.

Here you are with my beautiful mom. When I saw this picture again, I cried, because it reminded me of you suffering through something really hard. And even though I hated every minute of it, I can see now that it has made us closer. I have a new and greater respect for you and I love you even more after it than I did before.

So, dearest Daddy, I just wanted to wish you the happiest of birthdays and tell you how very grateful I am to have had yet another year with you. And I need to let you know I am counting on many, many more.

Love,

Samantha

Twofer

Hello everyone,

It's not often that you can get a twofer, that is two fer the price of one.  That is, except when Billy Mays screams into your TV and offers to send you not just 25 but 50 of the whatever he's selling that day...  But here's a real twofer.

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has decided that is no longer satisfactory for the Guards regiment at Buckingham Palace, London, to wear the same bearskin hats they have worn since Wellington beat Napoleon's French Imperial Guards at the 1815 Battle of Waterloo.

Robbie LeBlance, spokeman for PETA, says that their campaign against the traditional black bearskin hats, "is hugely significant for our campaign to save North American bears."  At their upcoming meeting with Baroness Taylor, the Minister for Defense Procurement, LeBlanc states, "If she has a heart and can see the PR nightmare of the MoD continuing to support the Canadian bear slaughter, she can wield her influence and push the MoD to scrap the bearskin caps sooner rather than later."

It should be noted that 50-100 new bearskin caps are needed each year and it takes one bear's skin to make one cap.  There are an estimated 600,000 black bears living in North America, a number thought to have fallen from two million.  How the two million estimate was produced is questionable.  Perhaps the bears were asked...

Now the good part of the twofer.  Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska and the state legislature are appealing the Department of Interior's declaration that Polar Bears are a threatened species, deserving extra protection.  In fact, Governor Palin, the DELIGHTFUL new VP running mate for John McCain,  has pointed out that polar bears represent a direct threat to the human population living near their habitat, which is the North Slope of her state.  

In Alaska, PETA means People for the Ethical Treatment of Alaskans, in this case allowing them to protect themselves from the largest predator on land.  Alaska wants the Interior Department to lift the limits on killing predatory polar bears which threaten humans.

Who, me?

So here's the deal:  we support PETA England in their desire to cease using black bears for the traditional bearskin hats and we switch to polar bear fur, thus supporting the Alaskan PETA.  Besides, since the polar bear is about three times as large as the black bear, we only need to use the skins of 16 - 33 polar bears each year, vice the 50 - 100 black bears.  It's a win -win!

This politics of compromise stuff is easier than it looks.  Try to find you own twofer, and propose it to our ever-vigilant Congress, whose latest approval rating has peaked at 9 %.

Berlin and Georgia

Dear Readers,

I am today officially announcing that I will no longer commit to posting on this blog every Friday.  However, I will also commit to not dropping off the face of the earth, as some of my blogging friends have done recently.

I do have something to say today concerning last Wednesday, 13 August.  On that day, 47 years ago, the Communists erected the Wall in Berlin, splitting families who were apart that day and destroying the economy of half of one of the world's great cities.

In the summer of 1964, a West Point classmate and I visited Berlin after our summer duties with US Troops in Germany.  With the Wall only three years old, and still quite crude, we sat at an outdoor cafe and watched an elderly woman on the street corner look at her watch and look through binoculars, across the Wall.  Soon, an elderly man, several blocks into East Berlin, leaned out of his window, with binoculars, and waved at his wife.  The meaning of Freedom has never been made clearer to me.

When I arrived in Berlin as a new second lieutenant in December 1966, I again visited the Wall and wrote the following poem, published in the Berlin Observer, the local command newspaper, and picked up in most of the Berlin press.  

"Freedom's Outpost" is its name

And concrete blocks its living shame 

But yet this half stands tall.

For here have many people died

While trying to regain hope and pride

By traversing the Wall. 

The enemy has tried to prove

A city cannot live by love

From those in Freedom's lands.

And so they halted trucks and trains,

But Liberty relied on planes -

And Free Berlin still stands.

The other side's a different place

Where sentry dogs walk silent pace

Among the towers and wire.

Where escapees are shot on sight,

And yet they try, both day and night,

Rekindling Freedom's fire.

So we who guard the precious light

Commit ourselves to keep it bright,

Remembering those who fall;

For someday this will no more be

The city split by tyranny,

The city with a Wall...

The Wall came down on 9 November 1989, as many of you remember.  But it had been a tough and bloody 28 years for the people of Berlin.

In 1994, when President Clinton retired the Berlin Brigade colors, I was in London, retired from the military for two years and working as an investment banker.  The Army tracked me down, and the Berlin Observer asked if my poem of 28 years earlier could be read at the ceremony.  Although I could not attend the ceremony, I was honored to consent.

Today, the Russians are back at their old tricks again, claiming "breakaway provinces" never actually belonged to the little country of Georgia in the first place.  Can it be long before they once again start building walls?

Another Missed Post...

Dear Readers,

Yes, I have once again missed my usual Friday posting date and have heard from several of you about just that event.  Here are the lame excuses.

First, unlike all the women in my family, I have NOT been reading the book shown above.  As far as I have been able to figure out, Stephanie Meyer is a female astronomer whose first three books (Twilight, New Moon and Eclipse) concerned her educational love of the universe and how celestial things work.  Then, for reasons unknown to me, she altered her book style on the heavens to write her latest, Breaking Down, which apparently deals with either automotive problems or is her attempt to enter the world of psychiatry in which her credentials are suspect.

In either case, she once again has tried to cause all productivity to cease in my home  as shown below.  However, Ms. Meyer has failed this time because her book was released just in time for the Huge, Unscheduled, Best -Ever, Carlson Family Reunion!  Well, most of the Reunion was previously scheduled, but parts were not scheduled until the last possible minute...  This is an inside joke.

At any rate, we had all the kids in one place at one time for the first time in years!  And, when the Reunion ended at Hershey Park in Pennsylvania, we managed to get this picture of most of the grandkids and the proud Papa and Granny.

High Ground, indeed!

Happy, happy, happy, happy, happy...

Does anybody know a word 

That sort of rhymes with "quint?"

In English, is there such a word?

If so, please give a hint.

'Cause we all want to celebrate

The birthday of the Five;

So rhyming "quint" is needed

And a goal for which to strive.

If such a rhyme is possible,

Perhaps we'll have to squint,

And search through scads of volumes

For a word that sounds like "quint."

Or have a steel trap-like mind

Or knowledge sharp as flint;

Else wise it is impossible 

To rhyme a word with "quint."

So happy birthday, ALL of you,

Each one of you a "quint."

We hope you get a bunch of gifts

And loot that fills the Mint!

Your Faithful Super Hero,

Kernal "Batman" Ken

Verizon on the Horizon

Well, today is my day to "out" Verizon.  This will be progress for me.

You see, here in beautiful downtown Brambleton, we are an "all Verizon Community."  All of our phone service, TV and computer hookups come through Verizon FIOS, their fiber-optic network that comes to each house, and here in Brambleton, to each room of the house. We have been called "the most wired community in America." It's lightning fast and usually very reliable... But not this week.

On Wednesday, I called our "special Verizon Reps here in Brambleton," the ones who are to provide us with "concierge service" since the whole community has opted for Verizon FIOS.  I wanted to upgrade my cable box to HD so that I could see every bead of sweat at the Olympics coming up.

"No problem, Mr. Carlson.  We'll have someone out tomorrow between 1 and 5 to exchange boxes and set up your new high definition service."  Great.

Come 6PM yesterday, no cable guy from Verizon.  One ringy dingy... "Oh, thank you for your call. Just a moment while I check on that work order number."  10 minutes pass.  

"I've found the problem, Mr. Carlson.  Let me connect you with a dispatcher who will verify a time tomorrow morning to have a tech visit your house."  5 minutes pass.  "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you?"

Well, Bonnie, what time tomorrow will I receive my new box?  "Mr. Carlson, I have no idea what you're talking about.  May I have you phone number and the amount of your last bill?"  Bonnie was apparently the default pickup when I was otherwise cut off.  Start back at square one with Bonnie and, no, I don't recall the amount of my last bill.

"No problem, Mr. Carlson, I'll have a dispatcher call you in the morning with your appointment time."

One PM today.  One ringy dingy.  Hey, Verizon, no one has called as promised on this work order number.  "Let me check on that, Mr. Carlson, and thank you for copying down that number - it will make this go much faster." 

 15 minutes pass.

"Are you still there, Mr. Carlson?"  Yep, but I wouldn't be if it weren't for speakerphones.  "We'll have this done in just a moment.  Thank you for your patience."

Five minutes pass.  "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you?"  Bonnie, this is Mr. Carlson, amazingly the same guy you promised last night that I would get a call this morning.  Remember?  "I'm sorry , sir, I wasn't here last night.  You must have gotten another Bonnie."  Start back at Square One with Bonnie #2.

"Mr. Carlson, we are tracking that order # that you gave.  But let me give you a special number to call for our valued customers in Brambleton."  I think I've already done that, Bonnie #2, but go ahead.  And I get a new number, not the one Verizon had provided before for our Brambleton "concierge service."

One ringy dingy.  " Mr. Carlson, we've checked your work order number but it is not in the system."  Why not, I asked, since for the last two days everyone has been referring to the same number?

"Well, it appears that our system for new orders and order upgrades is down."  And how long has that been the case?  "Sir, it's been down for over a week, but we're working overtime to fix it."  

So, all these people at Verizon who have been promising me that I would shortly receive a call as to the appointment time??? "Sir, I don't know how that could happen, since we haven't been able to process orders for the last eight days.  Just a moment, let me check one thing..."

Five minutes pass. "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you..."  Agggggggh!

I need some high ground to send smoke signals to Verizon.  The stuff burning is my hair...