The Birds and the Puhleeze...

Hi, Guys!  It's been only a few days since my last post, but I got tired of reading the thousands of pages of the Porculus Bill, so I found this in The Washington Compost this morning.  They never fail to start my day with laughter.

Here's the quick summary.  Researchers put small transmitters on songbirds and then tracked them during their migration to Latin America and back in the fall/spring of 2007-08.

"As one researcher held the bird still, another would slide a Teflon loop around one of the animal's legs -- in much the way that a parent slips a backpack over a child's shoulders -- before working a second loop around the other leg and then stitching the loops together with Kevlar thread.  Set free, the 14 wood thrushes and 20 purple martins took off that fall on their epic seasonal voyages to South America, with the 'geolocators' resting 

comfortably on their backs."

I would like to see the transcript of the birds being polled as to how comfortable the little backpacks were.  When the birds returned, even though their 'geolocators' allowed researchers to "calculate where each bird was on any given day," only SEVEN of the 34 birds were found.  This appears to have been a flight test in which only one fifth of the tested aircraft survived....

At the same time, the researchers tracked the bird's flight path both soutward and northward.  Much to their surprise, the birds took more direct flight paths to get to Latin America, while flying the long routes heading back north.  These researchers obviously have never gone to a vacation site in record time, then come home a little slower...  However, one researcher noted:

"One northbound wood thrush, opting for the scenic route, took 29 days to fly 2,852 miles, choosing not to cross the Gulf of Mexico.  The fact that it did not attempt the more than 12 hour non-stop crossing could indicate that it was underfed and tired because its wintering ground in South America had become degraded."

There it is!  The obligatory reference to how global warming is harming even the most lovable of creatures - small songbirds.  No mention of the possibility that the cute little 'geolocator' backpack may have had any role in the wood thrush's being tired  and hence his choice of northward routes. 

The scientists concluded:

"There's no sign at all that the songbirds even know they're wearing the backpacks.

The team is hoping to collect more data this spring; it placed 'geolocators' on 20 more purple martins and 35 wood thrushes in 2008.

The scientists still do not understand why they were able to recapture only two of the purple martins last year but will continue to pursue the research unless they find out this year that only a few purple martins return."

I suppose it's the birds fault for being unable to give signs that humans understand, like, "Get this stupid thing off my back!" 

Looks like it's gonna be a tough year for the purple martins trying to avoid be captured and fitted with the "cute little backpack of death."

Meanwhile, the National Association of Birds Doing Research on Humans (NABDROH) has proposed a similar experiment to track humans in their annual movements.

Large birds will be used to select and capture human "volunteers" for the "cute little backpacks" the small birds will place on them.  Head for the high ground.

Be Afraid, Again

Hi, guys!  It's been a month since I've posted, probably because all the news has been bad and getting worse daily.  But today was different...

You've heard me previously refer to our local paper as The Washington Compost.  That's for obvious reasons due to the odor of most of its reporting.  But today it earns its name because it is The Washington Comedy Post.  

As the Queen's sister, Sylvia (the one with the megawatt smile) always says, "There's nothing like a good snake story."  Well, the Compost had one this morning that I just couldn't pass up.

The big snake depicted above is not just big, it's TITANIC!  Claimed to be nearly 43 feet long and weighing in at over a ton, this baby's fossil part (a vertebrae) was found in a coal mine in South America, where it lived about 60 million years ago.  Aptly enough, it has been named Titanoboa cerrejonensis, roughly translated from the Latin as "big snake from Cerrejon."

It is claimed to have feasted on very large turtles such as shown in the drawing as well as eating entire huge crocodiles in a single swallow.  It is said to have been able to eat a cow in one bite, although cows weren't around 60 million years ago, so how that was guessed is beyond me.

But here's the best part.  Snakes are pretty scary, right?  Well, when all the latest science is going the wrong way on Global Warming and London just had its worst snowstorm in 60 years, something is needed to get people back into their "Day After Tomorrow" mentality - where global warming caused New York to freeze over... huh?

So, cue the monster snake!  The lead scientist for the article published in Nature is a guy named Jason Head.  Based on his report, his nickname is probably "Hop."  Dr. Hop reported that the average temperature in the Colombian jungles during the time of Titanoboa was somewhere between 86 and 93 degrees Fahrenheit, about 10 degrees hotter than it is there today.  So, just fairly small changes in temperature can apparently produce things that will eat Bossy in one bite...

Wait, says Dr. Hop. 

"It is a big leap to go from a natural kind of global warming that takes place over tens of thousands to millions of years to human-induced climate change taking place over decades.   (back pedal)

(Leap anyway) That being said, it should make people pause and consider what might be the effects of heating up the equator as well as heating up the high latitudes through global warming."

Human induced climate change... If you've been following this blog for any time at all, you'll know that the Kernal is a skeptic on that.  95% of all the greenhouse gas affecting the Earth is Water Vapor (H2O) which God makes and of which man produces almost none. (0.001%)  3.618% of greenhouse gas is Carbon Dioxide of which man produces and emits 0.117%.

So Dr. Hop Head is telling us to shut down the world's economy (in the middle of a pretty serious slowdown to boot) in order that we may reduce our ONE EIGHTH OF ONE PERCENT contribution to climate change (formerly known as global warming)?  Absolutely -- let people starve and return to their agrarian roots - - - lest there be snakes...  Big snakes!  Scary snakes!  Big, scary snakes! 

Stay tuned for the next Washington Comedy Post episode of "Be Afraid - Be Very Afraid"  The expected topic will be Gargantuspidersanfranciscus.

Until then, keep fighting, Kirk!  We'll see you on the high ground!  No snakes allowed.

 

 

"

Reap the Whirlwind

Hi, Guys!

It's been a month since I last posted, 

so I'd best get started before I get toasted.

The Kernal is pleased to report that today's MRI reading at Bethesda, following the PET  and CT scans of December, was reported as "Clean."  This is the result that we, along with many of you, were praying for.  Thank you so much for your prayers!  Once again, they have worked.

This Christmas just passed was certainly a lot different from Christmas 2007 when we had just received the cancer diagnosis.  The Queen and I spent a delightful Christmas week out in Denver with Matt, Mindy, Whitney, Olivia and Tessa.  We returned to Ashburn in the wee hours of 28 December and then celebrated a second gift opening session with the Carlsons and Lees of NOVA.

As I should have no doubt guessed, blogging is its own reward.  Sow the wind and reap the whirlwind...The stylish polar bear pajama bottoms and shorts were Christmas gifts from the family.  The lovely polar bear card, complete with dancing bears when you pull the tab, was from Jean and Joan (and the bears).  The silver polar bear bookmark was an earlier gift  from Apis Melliflora, one of my most loyal readers who lurks around this blog and occasionally comments.  Below is a blowup that I hope you can read...

 

So, write about stuff and it will magically appear.  This new year I think I will spend lots of time writing about the pictures of Dead Presidents on rapidly devaluing US currency...

We here at Polar Bear Central wish all of you and yours a safe, healthy and properous New Year.  Fortunes are made in times like these.  Hooah!

Jean and I wish you all the best from the high ground.  Brother Kirk and friend Denise are coming up the hill!

I Rest My Case...

German zoo: Polar bear mom may have eaten her cub

Nuremberg, Germany (AP) Dec 10, 2008

The Nuremberg Zoo says that one of a pair of twin polar bears has died - and that it is possible its mother ate it.

The twin bears were born three weeks ago to Vera, who is also the mother of the zoo's celebrity polar bear - Flocke.

Flocke had been rejected by her mother, Vera, and was hand-raised by zookeepers.

Vera did not reject the two new cubs born in late November, but the zoo says that the twin cub died Monday.  The cub had not yet been named.

The bear can no longer be seen on a video monitoring the animal's enclosure.  The zoo said Wednesday it is possible Vera ate it.

The zoo says cubs typically have about a 50% chance of survival.  The other cub remains in good health.

Copyright 2008 The Associated Press

P.S. From the Kernal:  The mother bear was recently overheard on FBI wiretaps talking to the Governor of Illinois about the chances of being appointed to fill the Senate seat of President-elect Obama.  The price discussed was one million dollars or one polar bear cub.

Rejected cub Flocke is currently under the protection of US Marshals sent to Nuremberg.

Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid!

Hi, Guys!
Recently, the Washington Compost had a brief article about the fruit bats shown above.  They live on an island near Madagascar, in the Indian Ocean, weigh up to ten pounds, and have a wing span of four to six feet.  They are sometimes also known as fox bats.

Perhaps most interesting is that, although they sense the fruit they eat by vision and smell, not echoes like most bats, they choose to go out for dinner after dark, when presumably the fruit is harder to see...

In the daytime, when they sleep, they hang upside down in tall trees.  Because locals often like to kill them for food, they have discovered that selecting tall trees in cemeteries works best, since the natives don't like to go there.

Hmmm....  Large bats from the species Pteropus vampyrus who only hunt at night for things more easily seen in daylight and who choose to live in cemeteries... Sound familiar?

Such creatures have recently been having an unusual impact on my daughters, nieces and even the Queen.  They have been seen spending long hours reading hundreds of pages of what appears to be an advertising catalog for cheap beer.

Then, they have been going out at strange hours (12:01 AM) to see the infomercial made about this beer ad catalog, where they were joined by thousands of screaming female teenagers who had apparently been served this beverage before legally allowed.  The Queen went to see the infomercial at 11:00 AM, where she was joined by only nine other women.  The daughters went back for second helpings.

The basis for all this weird behavior is apparently some dude named Edward, a guy with slightly reddish eyes, pasty white skin and a really bad haircut.  One of my daughters told me that he was among the "Ten Sexiest Men of 2008", a title for which I have yet to be nominated, much less selected. 

Not unlike the Pteropus Vampyrus, this guy has some strange habits - and an inexplicable attraction for women who read beer catalogs.  Also like the huge bats off the coast of Africa, Edward seems to have a penchant for tall trees,  places where he takes his date?

Anyhow, I believe that all real men, not those who have been selected as the sexiest man of any given year, should look into this matter more closely.  It would be bad enough to lose your women to some cheap beer, but to then have them taken into tall trees, only to lose their balance and fall, would be a tragedy. 

Maybe that's why one of the follow-on catalogs was titled Breaking Down...

(Note:  this post was written by a polar bear and edited by a Beluga whale. Please do not complain to the normal author of posts on this blog.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Thank you.)

This and That

Hi, Guys!

That's what a little friend of mine (age 2+) says whenever she sees the Queen and I.  Saw her during a short trip to Ohio last week.

Several items of interest, perhaps.  First, spent two hours on Animal Planet Channel last night, watching back to back episodes of "Polar Bears Uncovered" and "Whale Wars."  Began to think that this channel is designing its schedule just for me and my blog readers...

Learned that polar bears can smell food (alive or dead) 15 miles away.  They are slow in getting there because of their weight, but they keep following their noses until they find the food.  Also learned, to my disgust, that male polar bears often stalk female polar bears and their one or two cubs, waiting for the cubs, who do not yet have the several hundred pounds of blubber insulation, to founder.  The mother polar bear must then move on, protecting the survivor cub, while the male, not normally the father polar bear, then eats the foundered cub.  Only one in six polar bear cubs makes it to their second year...

Also learned that polar bears have occasionally come upon Beluga whale pods that have become boxed into ice pens.  The show reported that up to 40 whales had been slaughtered and eaten by polar bears in one such instance.  It turns out that polar bears can swim the 100 meter Olympic race 10 (ten) seconds FASTER that any human swimmer, including Michael Phelps!

So, how ironic, the Kernal's two favorite critters turn out to be joined at the hip on the food chain...

As to whales, "Whale Wars" was all about "the Sea Shepherds," a group of eco-loonies who attack Japanese whaling ships in the Antarctic, throwing stink and acid bombs onto the decks, and attempting to foul the propellors by throwing heavy rope lines under the ships.  Two of the "Sea Shepherds" leaped aboard the Japanese ship from a rubber Zodiac speed boat, and then wondered why the Japanese crew tied them up and sailed away.  The eco-loonies were looking for the chance to yell "hostages" to the eager international press...

On the cancer front, I recently had another PET scan.  Some unknown activity showed in my neck, so I now must have yet another CT scan with contrast for the docs to examine in early December.  I feel fine and I detected no urgency from the docs, so I suspect all will be fine.  Stay tuned.

Finally, someone threw this over the internet transom the other day and I ordered a case of this obviously needed drug.  I'll let you know how it works, ya think?

PUSHing for Gunnar, Kirk, Jean, Denise and others of you who need our prayers.  See you on the high ground.

Recycling

Hi Everyone!

Just wanted to close this Halloween weekend with some thoughts on recycling.

If you go back to my January blogs of this year, you'll find the picture of me above.  It was the day I was fitted for my radiation mask, the one that mapped my head so that the IMRT radiation beams could be fired at exactly the right spot and at exactly the right millisecond.

You may recall that I was strapped down with this mask attached to the table and my hands and feet bound so that I could not move during the 35 hours of radiation therapy I had, one hour at a time.

My good friend, Lady Josh of Jean's Green and Pink Ribbons, is now undergoing the same sort of radiation treatment, although I don't think she has a mask.  Jean, I think of you and pray for you every day.  There's no reason why your therapy can't be just as successful as mine has been.

And, Brother Kirk, I think of you and pray for you each day as well.  Your chemotherapy has been, and will be, a lot tougher than the 288 hours of drugs in my body.  But your therapy can be, and will be,  just as successful as mine.

May both of you be blessed with strength and courage.   There are a lot of folks out here who are mentioning your name to the Lord each day.  He will watch over you, even on those days when you feel too tired to be strong.  Be strong anyway!

And, at the end of your treatment and after you recover, there are times when you will look back and wonder how you did it.  It was with His help and His strength when yours was not enough.

Plus, you will get to laugh again!  Like last Saturday when we took the local kids and grandkids to the Udvar Hazy Air and Space Museum for their Halloween Open House.  Guess what I wore as a costume?

Let me assure you that, although there were a lot of witches, the Queen and her sister Linda among them, and although there were plenty of Star Wars characters, there was only one guy wearing a radiation mask among the thousands in the place. 

I was asked by over 25 parents to have my picture taken with their children, who found me to be pretty spooky.  I even told a few parents what the mask was when they asked. 

So, despite my aversion to polar bears and whales, you can see that I'm really ecology friendly by recycling that which most would rather discard.

Jean and Kirk, save a souvenir for when you reach the high ground!