Verizon on the Horizon

Well, today is my day to "out" Verizon.  This will be progress for me.

You see, here in beautiful downtown Brambleton, we are an "all Verizon Community."  All of our phone service, TV and computer hookups come through Verizon FIOS, their fiber-optic network that comes to each house, and here in Brambleton, to each room of the house. We have been called "the most wired community in America." It's lightning fast and usually very reliable... But not this week.

On Wednesday, I called our "special Verizon Reps here in Brambleton," the ones who are to provide us with "concierge service" since the whole community has opted for Verizon FIOS.  I wanted to upgrade my cable box to HD so that I could see every bead of sweat at the Olympics coming up.

"No problem, Mr. Carlson.  We'll have someone out tomorrow between 1 and 5 to exchange boxes and set up your new high definition service."  Great.

Come 6PM yesterday, no cable guy from Verizon.  One ringy dingy... "Oh, thank you for your call. Just a moment while I check on that work order number."  10 minutes pass.  

"I've found the problem, Mr. Carlson.  Let me connect you with a dispatcher who will verify a time tomorrow morning to have a tech visit your house."  5 minutes pass.  "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you?"

Well, Bonnie, what time tomorrow will I receive my new box?  "Mr. Carlson, I have no idea what you're talking about.  May I have you phone number and the amount of your last bill?"  Bonnie was apparently the default pickup when I was otherwise cut off.  Start back at square one with Bonnie and, no, I don't recall the amount of my last bill.

"No problem, Mr. Carlson, I'll have a dispatcher call you in the morning with your appointment time."

One PM today.  One ringy dingy.  Hey, Verizon, no one has called as promised on this work order number.  "Let me check on that, Mr. Carlson, and thank you for copying down that number - it will make this go much faster." 

 15 minutes pass.

"Are you still there, Mr. Carlson?"  Yep, but I wouldn't be if it weren't for speakerphones.  "We'll have this done in just a moment.  Thank you for your patience."

Five minutes pass.  "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you?"  Bonnie, this is Mr. Carlson, amazingly the same guy you promised last night that I would get a call this morning.  Remember?  "I'm sorry , sir, I wasn't here last night.  You must have gotten another Bonnie."  Start back at Square One with Bonnie #2.

"Mr. Carlson, we are tracking that order # that you gave.  But let me give you a special number to call for our valued customers in Brambleton."  I think I've already done that, Bonnie #2, but go ahead.  And I get a new number, not the one Verizon had provided before for our Brambleton "concierge service."

One ringy dingy.  " Mr. Carlson, we've checked your work order number but it is not in the system."  Why not, I asked, since for the last two days everyone has been referring to the same number?

"Well, it appears that our system for new orders and order upgrades is down."  And how long has that been the case?  "Sir, it's been down for over a week, but we're working overtime to fix it."  

So, all these people at Verizon who have been promising me that I would shortly receive a call as to the appointment time??? "Sir, I don't know how that could happen, since we haven't been able to process orders for the last eight days.  Just a moment, let me check one thing..."

Five minutes pass. "Hello, this is Bonnie with Verizon.  How may I help you..."  Agggggggh!

I need some high ground to send smoke signals to Verizon.  The stuff burning is my hair...