Sunday, August 31, 2008

Twofer


Hello everyone,

It's not often that you can get a twofer, that is two fer the price of one.  That is, except when Billy Mays screams into your TV and offers to send you not just 25 but 50 of the whatever he's selling that day...  But here's a real twofer.

PETA, People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, has decided that is no longer satisfactory for the Guards regiment at Buckingham Palace, London, to wear the same bearskin hats they have worn since Wellington beat Napoleon's French Imperial Guards at the 1815 Battle of Waterloo.

Robbie LeBlance, spokeman for PETA, says that their campaign against the traditional black bearskin hats, "is hugely significant for our campaign to save North American bears."  At their upcoming meeting with Baroness Taylor, the Minister for Defense Procurement, LeBlanc states, "If she has a heart and can see the PR nightmare of the MoD continuing to support the Canadian bear slaughter, she can wield her influence and push the MoD to scrap the bearskin caps sooner rather than later."

It should be noted that 50-100 new bearskin caps are needed each year and it takes one bear's skin to make one cap.  There are an estimated 600,000 black bears living in North America, a number thought to have fallen from two million.  How the two million estimate was produced is questionable.  Perhaps the bears were asked...

Now the good part of the twofer.  Governor Sarah Palin of Alaska and the state legislature are appealing the Department of Interior's declaration that Polar Bears are a threatened species, deserving extra protection.  In fact, Governor Palin, the DELIGHTFUL new VP running mate for John McCain,  has pointed out that polar bears represent a direct threat to the human population living near their habitat, which is the North Slope of her state.  

In Alaska, PETA means People for the Ethical Treatment of Alaskans, in this case allowing them to protect themselves from the largest predator on land.  Alaska wants the Interior Department to lift the limits on killing predatory polar bears which threaten humans.
Who, me?


So here's the deal:  we support PETA England in their desire to cease using black bears for the traditional bearskin hats and we switch to polar bear fur, thus supporting the Alaskan PETA.  Besides, since the polar bear is about three times as large as the black bear, we only need to use the skins of 16 - 33 polar bears each year, vice the 50 - 100 black bears.  It's a win -win!

This politics of compromise stuff is easier than it looks.  Try to find you own twofer, and propose it to our ever-vigilant Congress, whose latest approval rating has peaked at 9 %.

7 comments:

The Queen Vee said...

Poor Brit Queen, she is doing everything possible to appease her subjects and remain in power. Keep the bearskin hats, draw the line Queenie. We've had some black bears in our backyard, you can have ours.

Anderson Zoo Keepers said...

Ahh PETA, they are right up their with NOW in terms of squeaky-wheel organizations whose membership certainly doesn't match their perceived power base. It's silliness. I'd like to see a PETA member go hang out with the bears for awhile.

But I sure do love Governor Palin. I'm trying to figure a way to wiggle my way in as her Chief of Staff. Got any connections?

joan said...

I agree with Queen Vee-keep the hats-maybe they could have black and white hats for different occasions.

Tobi said...

Brilliant! Smart and Sassy. Give em' the what fer KEN!!

Spymommy said...

If they had hats made out of polar bear fur, they would look like Q-tips. I'm just sayin'.

Apis Melliflora said...

I'm with ya on this one. But let's add some black die into the mix. If we die the polar fur, we can avoid the Q-tip problem.

Now, to appease PETA, it would have to be a die that was not tested on animals.

Apis Melliflora said...

That would be "dye," so that fewer black bears would have to "die." At least I got bare write, right?