Be Afraid. Be Very Afraid!

Hi, Guys!
Recently, the Washington Compost had a brief article about the fruit bats shown above.  They live on an island near Madagascar, in the Indian Ocean, weigh up to ten pounds, and have a wing span of four to six feet.  They are sometimes also known as fox bats.

Perhaps most interesting is that, although they sense the fruit they eat by vision and smell, not echoes like most bats, they choose to go out for dinner after dark, when presumably the fruit is harder to see...

In the daytime, when they sleep, they hang upside down in tall trees.  Because locals often like to kill them for food, they have discovered that selecting tall trees in cemeteries works best, since the natives don't like to go there.

Hmmm....  Large bats from the species Pteropus vampyrus who only hunt at night for things more easily seen in daylight and who choose to live in cemeteries... Sound familiar?

Such creatures have recently been having an unusual impact on my daughters, nieces and even the Queen.  They have been seen spending long hours reading hundreds of pages of what appears to be an advertising catalog for cheap beer.

Then, they have been going out at strange hours (12:01 AM) to see the infomercial made about this beer ad catalog, where they were joined by thousands of screaming female teenagers who had apparently been served this beverage before legally allowed.  The Queen went to see the infomercial at 11:00 AM, where she was joined by only nine other women.  The daughters went back for second helpings.

The basis for all this weird behavior is apparently some dude named Edward, a guy with slightly reddish eyes, pasty white skin and a really bad haircut.  One of my daughters told me that he was among the "Ten Sexiest Men of 2008", a title for which I have yet to be nominated, much less selected. 

Not unlike the Pteropus Vampyrus, this guy has some strange habits - and an inexplicable attraction for women who read beer catalogs.  Also like the huge bats off the coast of Africa, Edward seems to have a penchant for tall trees,  places where he takes his date?

Anyhow, I believe that all real men, not those who have been selected as the sexiest man of any given year, should look into this matter more closely.  It would be bad enough to lose your women to some cheap beer, but to then have them taken into tall trees, only to lose their balance and fall, would be a tragedy. 

Maybe that's why one of the follow-on catalogs was titled Breaking Down...

(Note:  this post was written by a polar bear and edited by a Beluga whale. Please do not complain to the normal author of posts on this blog.  Happy Thanksgiving.  Thank you.)